Published September 21, 2021

I’ve always prided myself on being honest with people. It’s a trait that a lot of people claim to have, but isn’t as practiced as they purport – and I’ll be the first to admit that it’s gotten me in trouble before, but it’s also gotten me out of a lot of really frustrating situations.

There’s a certain kind of heart-stopping anticipation that you feel in those milliseconds between asking a brutally honest question and hearing the answer, but it doesn’t remotely compare to the feeling of relief when you get closure on something that could’ve played on your mind in an endless loop. We’re talking ‘It’s A Small World‘ getting stuck in your head for hours kind of loop.

And when it comes down to it, if you weigh up those odds then asking the tough questions really can be the most effective long-term solution to whatever is troubling you.

You can learn from experience

It can be nerve-wracking as heck to be faced with a situation that requires you to be blunt and straightforward with someone. It’s intimidating and anxiety-inducing – we won’t deny it. The idea of confrontation? No thank you, very much.

But once you’ve done it once, you realise that you’re totally capable of handling these sorts of problems. It’s a question of backing not only yourself, but your worth – especially if you’re asking a question that’s related to you on a personal level.

And if it’s about someone else, you can develop a rapport by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and asking them the blunt question as a way of being closer to them. You never know what can happen.

You can get much-needed closure

One of the most common brutally straightforward questions I’ve asked people in the past is in regards to dating. You know the feeling you get after you’ve been ‘casually seeing’ someone for a while and then all of a sudden they exhibit major signs that they’re about to pull a Casper and ghost away?

Asking them straight up what the go is can be incredibly gut-wrenching, especially if you’re genuinely invested in the person. But regardless of the response, you know that you’ll actually get closure.

Humans are able to move on from things far more easily when we have a sense of finality and sense of understanding with how a situation has resolved, so TBH if it takes a dude telling me he’s not keen anymore to realise that the situation is finito, so be it.

You may wind up being pleasantly surprised

The same can work in reverse. Calling someone out and asking them tough questions may wake them up to their own behaviour. Say you’ve got a mate who’s been a bit dodgy to you lately – asking them why they’re treating you that way may alert them to the fact that subconsciously they’ve been screwing you over.

And it’s the same in dating scenarios again – we asked around the office about times when someone had been honest and had it pay off. Turns out one of our editorial staff confronted the guy she was seeing about why he was only interested in texting her – it turned around the whole relationship, gave him a kick to lock her down and they’ve since been dating for six months.

So really, it can work either way but there’s no use in expecting the worst. Being cynical isn’t fun – gotta keep that noggin of yours thinking positive so that you can approach these things the right way.

The biggest thing you’ve gotta recognise when you’re preparing to ask someone a blunt question is to make sure your expectations are in line with what’s going on. There’s no use hyping yourself up for negativity if there’s a distinct possibility that things could go well.

Plus there’s always the fact that without having weighty expectations, you can’t be disappointed. So pop your expectations on ice for a bit, take a deep break or a sip of some Ice Brew, and go ask the big scary question.

You won’t regret it.

Image: iStock / AntonioGuillem