11 Tips for Controlling Your Anger

Getting Your Anger Under Control

Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. But when it gets out of control it can hurt our reputations, destroy our relationships, limit our opportunities and even damage our health. Managing anger is about defusing it before it becomes destructive, so here are 11 strategies for learning to keep it in check.

1. Acknowledge That You Have a Problem

The first thing you need to do is to be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you have a problem with anger. Every plan for changing behaviour starts with realising that the behaviour is a problem, and controlling anger is the same.

2. Keep a Hostility Log

Do you know what causes your anger? In the heat of the moment, we can lose track of what actually made us angry in the first place. Write down the triggers and the frequency of your anger every day, so you can find out what’s setting it off and plan your strategies around it.

3. Use Your Support Network

Let the important people in your life know about the changes that you're trying to make. They can motivate and support you if things get hard. Make time to connect with these people every day - being with or even just talking to the people you care about should help you feel less stressed and angry.

4. Interrupt the Anger Cycle

As soon as your start to feel angry, stop everything and try some of these:

• Yell "Stop!" loudly in your thoughts.

• Use a physical relaxation technique like deep breathing.

• Count to 20 before you respond.

• Manage your negative thoughts with imagery or positive thinking.

• Close your door or move away to find a quiet space.

The goal with these is to take the control back from your anger straight away by choosing to do something that an angry person wouldn’t do.

Once you have control over yourself, you can start to talk yourself down. Remember to just think about what is actually happening in the moment and not about what other people’s intentions or motives could be. When you just look at the facts, most situations aren’t worth the hassle of being angry about them.

5. Use Empathy

If another person is the source of your anger, try to think about the situation from their point of view. It’s likely that they aren’t trying to make you angry on purpose, and you might be able to resolve the issue with an honest (and calm) conversation.

6. Relax

Give yourself regular breaks and take some time to relax. It’s way more difficult to control your anger when your body is constantly on edge. Go for a walk or do some stretches and deep breathing whenever possible. Dehydration can make you extra irritable too, so drink plenty of water during the day.

7. Build Trust

It sometimes feels like others do things to annoy or frustrate you on purpose, but people aren’t usually that focused on you. If you can trust the people you hang out or work with it’s harder to get angry with them when something goes wrong, because you won’t immediately assume that they did it on purpose. Trust is a two-way street, so be honest with people when you explain your actions and decisions, and be real with them when they do something that upsets you.

8. Listen Effectively

Sometimes we get angry about things that turned out to be a misunderstanding. So when others are speaking, focus on what they're saying, and don't get distracted by thinking about your response before they've finished. When they're done speaking, show that you listened by reflecting back what they have just said.

9. Be Assertive

There’s a big difference between being assertive and being aggressive. When you're aggressive, you focus on winning and forget about other people’s feelings, rights, and needs. When you're assertive, you focus on balance. You're honest about what you want, and you respect the needs of others.

It’s hard to express yourself clearly when you’re angry, so let other people know your expectations, boundaries, and issues up front. When you do, you'll find that you develop self-confidence, gain respect, and improve your relationships.

10. Live Each Day as If It's Your Last

Life is short, and anger robs us of time we can spend enjoying life instead. Think about how many times your anger has destroyed a relationship or caused you to miss a happy day with friends and family. That's time that you'll never get back.

11. Forgive and Forget

It’s all well and good to act calmly when we’re upset, but it’s also important to show forgiveness when people make mistakes. While it can be hard not to feel resentment, the only way to truly move on is to let go of those feelings. It’s never too late to reach out and offer to make amends.